so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
