holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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