Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In America we eat man semen.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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