Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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