normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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