can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
