pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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