your parents love me but you hate me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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