i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
