I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
