I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
