she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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