i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
