I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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