He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
