We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
