'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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