go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
