There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ladies don't puke and tell
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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