actually, I'm a sock model
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
