if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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