There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
