I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
