Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
