I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
