So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
