You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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