4 words: hood of his car
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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