i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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