That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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