I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
