I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
