Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
