i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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