his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
MIDGETS
????
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
