i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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