Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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