Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
