when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
