Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
