White coat. Heels.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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