I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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