Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
