I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize