***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
