Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
