"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
