I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
