my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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