the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
