You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
