What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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