So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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