I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I see more hoeing in ur future
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