Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
