hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
