And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
