So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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