I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
