soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
