yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
