I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
