Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
