idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
