If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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