Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Enjoy the penises
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
