Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A+ Viking dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
